A few posts back, I talked very passionately about how happy I was to leave the corporate world behind in order to pursue my dream – my online business, Empowered Women Coaching. Thinking back to the time when I was a career professional, I remember feel unsatisfied, bored, uncreative and totally out of alignment. I only worked while I was AT work (never at home or weekends), and even when I was at work I would find time fillers so that I could avoid doing work (which is totally out of integrity for me, thus making me feel worse). While I was waiting for the time when I would be able to break free and concentrate 100% on my business venture, I remember thinking about how creative and busy and HAPPY I would be doing work that I love…
So of course, from the moment I started Empowered Women Coaching I totally threw myself into it 120%. I’ve spent days, nights, weekends and even holidays dreaming up ideas, building my website, marketing to potential clients, etc. etc. Because I am doing what I LOVE, I felt that I needed to be doing it all the time. With no rest. Not even in my dreams when I sleep. My brain is constantly ticking away with new ideas, new possibilities, new ways to make my business even better. After years of mental drudgery working in the corporate world, I finally found myself alive with creativity, passion and purpose. All of a sudden life had meaning, and I have been determined to spend every moment of it making it worthwhile.
The problem is, I’ve realised that what I’ve actually become is a ….workaholic. Yes, that’s right. I moved out from the corporate world where most people are workaholics and moved into a business that was supposed to offer me more time with my family and more flexibility…and I have become…a workaholic. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not the business’ fault. It’s my fault. In everything we do, there should be moderation. We should never be too extreme, either way. But I was so excited with all the creativity and passion that I neglected everything else in my life. Like my health, my friends and family, my home environment, time for fun and adventure, etc.
For weeks my intuition has been crying out, “slow dowwwwn…take it easy…”. But I haven’t listened. I kept going. Because it felt like there was so much to DO, and I had to be the one to do it all. Yes, I do hire out some of my services to other professionals, but being the perfectionist that I am, I am still involved every step of the way. I couldn’t just let it go. My justification being that I am SO dedicated to my vision that I need to ensure that every aspect of my business reflects that vision.
Meanwhile….all the other areas in my life are suffering. And, more than anything, I am exhausted! Mentally as well as physically. So, this weekend it all came to a head. I decided to stop, to listen to my intuition and to take stock of where I am. Or as I described it to my husband when he asked me what I was doing, I needed time to myself to “regroup”.
I handed the baby over to my husband for a few hours, went upstairs to the bedroom with my notebook and pen and started writing. I was going to coach myself through this. I knew what I would do with a client who had the workaholic/time management challenge that I had, so I was going to be both the client and the coach. I wrote down all the important areas of my life (e.g. family, business, health, spirituality, personal growth, etc.) and began to describe for each area:
- Where I currently was (i.e. what was I experiencing, feeling, etc.)
- What I wanted (i.e. what did I actually want to be experiencing, feeling, etc.)
- What I was going to do to achieve what I wanted (i.e. what goals I was going to set to get what I wanted. In other words, how was I going to close the gap of discontent)
It took me about 2hrs to get it all down on paper, and you know what I felt so much better when I had done it. I hadn’t solved anything, nothing had really changed. But suddenly I wasn’t overburdened with it. I wasn’t overwhelmed. I could objectively look at and scrutinise everything that was written on this paper, and come up with logic ways to overcome my challenges.
A great feeling of peace swept over me. I was back in control. I realised that as much as I love my business, I love the other areas of my life just as much and they need my time and attention too. I wasn’t just an entrepreneur. I was also a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a spiritual being, a human being! And I needed to live my life in a way that honoured all of those roles.
So here I am now, a self-confessed workaholic who has decided to take back control. I declare that I am dedicated to making my whole life fulfilling, not just in the area of my work/business. And that I am peace again.
If what I have written about today has resonated with you, feel free to drop me a comment! If you’d like to learn more about how Empowered Women Coaching can help you to find the kind of peace I have found, drop me an email at info@empoweredwomencoaching.com. I’d be happy to offer you a free 45minute coaching consultation 🙂
Empowered Women 
Amazing blog and so true. When your work is your passion it is easy to be consummed by it and to burn out. Thank you for writing this blog. Much needed. Funny I am going through exactly the same process. I have nothing to give at this point. I need a rest.
Thanks for your comment Agnes! It’s good to know I am not alone 🙂 Something somebody said to me the other day really struck home and changed my whole perspective. They talked to me about changing the structure of my days so that my success and achievement is SUSTAINABLE. The way I was burning myself out, I knew it definitely wasn’t going to be sustainable. And the last thing I would want to do is turn something I LOVE into something I dread and loathe.
So my advice to you? STOP. Everything. Take a time out. And I mean a real time out. Away from everything you are passionate about. And return to square one… regroup… and start over. That’s life isnt it? It’s the only way to keep growing!
Amazing, I read it through knowing and feeling what you must have been going through. Life is often like that we never really think and STOP. Until recently my life was described by a counsellor as one of the Sufi dervishes spinning around. I was trying to do everything, jungle my kids, work, my parents, my inlaws… The list was endless. I needed to stop and to reflect. I had to think about myself. I signed up to a counselling course, Islamic counselling and it has transformed my life. Sabnum the tutor has shown me that I don’t have to feel down trodden all the time but I need to find the highest potential within myself and aLl around.
We woman try to do EVERYTHING dont we? And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that we have to remember that we can’t be all things, all of the time. We are only one person. And as we say in Islam, moderation, moderation, moderation! I’m really happy to hear that you took back control Tahirah 🙂 You’re absolutely right – we hardly ever stop to think about what we are actually doing. We just go non-stop like the energiser bunny. Well I am taking a stance, and I am encouraging all women too.. let’s stop at scheduled times to think about what we are doing. Why are we doing it? Is it bringing us greater happiness, or more stress? What is your intuition telling you? What would you tell your best friend to do if she were in your situation?
Thanks for sharing Tahirah 🙂
I always enjoy reading your posts. What you have written mirrors many women who are busy juggling their lives. Some time back I started my own consultancy with a friend. I never knew I was a workaholic till the time I decided to start my own work. While on job, I had trained myself to switch off from work as soon as I reached home..unless it was one of those stressful times..
Now Sickness, holidays nothing could put me down and I was fired up to answer my calling…I think passion is needed to fire us up, but we do need to learn to relax as well and take a step back to see what’s happening.
Its important we don’t exhaust ourselves so much that we cannot dream. There are Doers and there are Thinkers. The idea is the main thing, we can hire ppl to do some of the things but no one can match the ideas that only we can produce. So relax your brain, discipline yourself. Make money but also have fun 🙂