How I Joined the Sisterhood of Motherhood

 

It has been a long, long time since I have blogged (3 months actually!) and I have missed it! Life often has a funny way of keeping us from doing the things we love. However this time, I have a reason to be happy for being distracted from the things I love because 2 months ago I gave birth to my first baby — a beautiful little girl named Maya. Since then my life has been a total rollercoaster and I have changed in so many ways since then.

Directly before the time of Maya’s birth and post-birth, I have learnt so many wonderful lessons about motherhood and about life. I’d like to share with you the story of how I became a mother 2 months ago and how it has changed me…

Maya was due to be born on 27^th November 2009. We already knew she was going to be a baby girl and had prepared ourselves accordingly by buying her lots of clothes, accessories and other baby-related items. Although I had really enjoyed my second trimester where I felt energized and creative, my third trimester hit me with a shock. Very shortly after I entered my third trimester I felt the same level of exhaustion and fatigue that I had felt in my first trimester. However this time the fatigue was accompanied by swollen ankles and wrists, a big belly, and the inability to do very much for myself. By September time I was more than ready to have the baby and had to rely on all the reserves of patience inside me to wait until 27^th November.

I had begun to feel Maya inside my belly from my 18^th week of pregnancy and as the weeks had gone on she had made her presence inside me very well known. Every day she would kick hard and move around a lot, regardless of whether it was night or day. She was a very lively baby and I thought this was very indicative of the kind of personality she would have when she came into the world. I knew she would be an active, happy, healthy baby who was full of life.

Around my 31^st week of pregnancy I began to notice that something was wrong… My once active baby suddenly stopped moving around so much. Whereas before I had felt her moving around and kicking all day long, all of a sudden she became very subdued in her movements. Although pregnancy was new to me, I knew something just wasn’t right. The next week I plucked up the courage to go and see the doctor about it. The hospital conducted a CTG scan to detect if the baby’s movements were irregular, however they did not pick up any problems. They suggested I do an ultrasound however just for my own peace of mind. The following week I went for my ultrasound scan, expecting the results just like those of the CTG scan to be fine. However as the radiologist began to search around for the baby I could tell something was up. She asked me how many weeks old the baby was and I told her 33 weeks. However, after doing some measurements she told me that, as I had suspected, something was wrong. The baby was the size of a 31 week old baby. Also, my amniotic fluid was greatly reduced and there was a problem with the flow of my blood from my placenta to the baby. The radiologist recommended I go to see my doctor immediately.

Waiting around to see my doctor was terrifying. I was all alone at the hospital and I couldn’t imagine what the doctor was going to say. All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind. An hour or so later I finally got to see my doctor and as he conducted the ultrasound scan he concluded the same results as the radiologist. He told me that the baby was suffering from something called IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction). What this meant was that something was causing the baby to slow down in growth, which is why the baby was much smaller than it should be. More than likely the restricted flow from my placenta meant that the baby wasn’t getting as much food as she should be and this was causing her to grow slower. My doctor told me that I would immediately have to be transferred from the private hospital to the Government hospital as they would better be able to handle my case. He also told me that it was very possible that the Government hospital would likely have to do an emergency cesarean and deliver the baby early.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. I transferred to the Government hospital that very evening and was admitted to the ward. The doctors there did their own tests and investigations and after two days they made the decision to deliver Maya early. I can honestly say that preparing to go into the theatre for the cesarean operation was THE scariest moment of my life. I was shaking, nauseous, dizzy and everything in between. I didn’t know what state my baby would be in when she came out, and this was my first major surgery. After delivery, Maya was taken immediately to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) where she would spend the first 3 weeks of her life. Weighing in at just over 1kg she was too tiny to be able to survive outside an incubator. However she was healthy and did not have to have any help breathing. I was not able to see her until the following day when the anesthesia had worn off me. The first time I saw her I was blown away by how small AND powerful this little girl was. Despite her size she looked wise beyond her years and something inside me just knew she was going to be fine in the end.

After I was discharged from the hospital, we would visit her every single day, several times a day in the NICU. Her growth was slow, but it was steady. We would visit her in the morning, afternoon and evening. I was devastated that my little girl had to live in an incubator and felt so helpless being unable to give her the kind of care that I wanted to. Despite the despair and overwhelm I often felt though, in my heart of hearts I knew God would look after us all.

It took 3 weeks before she was finally allowed to come home and that was the happiest day of my life J She is now a happy, healthy little girl who has settled into life with her family at home.

As we all know it is during our hardest and most challenging times that we experience the most growth. It is when we face hardships that we learn more about life and what we are truly made of. During this period of my life I learnt the following things:

• ALWAYS trust your instinct. My instinct told me that something was wrong with my baby, and I was right. Despite assurances from my family and doctor that everything was ok, I followed my gut feeling and made sure everything was checked out. If I hadn’t trusted in myself who knows how long it may have taken before a problem was detected.

 

• We cannot control the circumstances in our lives. We can only control what we choose to think/feel/do. I could not control Maya being born 2 months early. I could however choose how I was going to feel about it and what I was going to do about it. Instead of perceiving my baby’s early birth as an unfortunate event, I choose to view as simply the way things were meant to be. God knows best how things are meant to happen. My job is to simply stay in control of what I choose to do with what circumstances I am handed.

 

• Things don’t always go according to plan. However that doesn’t mean that we should give up on our dreams. Despite being totally unprepared for having a premature baby I have still followed through on being the kind of mother I want to be. A drastic change in the plan doesn’t mean I have to abandon the plan.

 

• We are so much stronger than we think we are. I would never have guessed in a million years that I would have the strength and courage to endure such a difficult time in my life. However we are never handed circumstances that we do not have the strength to face.

 

• Never take for granted the people in your life who love you. If it wasn’t for the family and friends around me who supported me during this difficult time, I would not be able to walk out of it in one piece. Friends and family are angels in disguise. Don’t ever underestimate how important your relationships are.

 

This was a rather long blog post, I know. However I hope what I have shared with you has touched your hearts and given you strength.

Peace and Love,

Layla

 lsaad001@hotmail.com

 p.s. Below is a photo of my beautiful little angel, Maya

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